Back At 'Em

Well, I'm back from my mini-vacay and I'm very happy to be back in Colorado, particularly in my own bed. It was an amazing trip and God let me use the time there to learn more about two amazing people in my life. I have a new-found respect for my Uncle Mark and a blossoming love for one Cassandra Rosch. These two people drove me all around Seattle and I can't tell them how much I appreciate their hospitality!!

I have a lot of thoughts to process from the trip, but there's no rest for the weary. I'm back to the Villa tomorrow and it promises to be a crazy day per usual. Seattle stories to come soon...

What now?

Well, I didn't get into Seattle University, I haven't heard a WORD from Oregon State University and I decided not to apply to Iowa. So it looks like I'll be at Villa Parker for who knows how long. This isn't exactly what I had been planning for, but when push comes to shove, I prayed that what God wanted to happen would happen and I have to trust that his is all a part of His master plan.

Speaking of things that weren't exactly what I had been planning for, I guess it's a fair enough time for me to admit that there is a Mr. Man.

So, back in December, before Christmas, I met with this guy to give him the paintings I had done for him. We had been in marching band together for a year and then he left to do Air Force ROTC. After a few years, he added me as a friend on facebook and we chatted a few times which made me assume he was only talking to me because he was drunk or lonely.

But it turns out he kinda likes me, even when sober, and again I'm left wondering "What now?" Because Mr. Man is stationed in Germany, I am clearly meant to be in Parker, CO and I don't see the paths overlapping anytime soon. This blog is already long enough and I could probably talk about him for days, so we'll leave it at this.

I'm happy with where my life is at now, but still, I can't help but wonder where this is all going...

Your move, God!

Changes, they are a comin'...

I realized today just how much a year can change absolutely everything in your life. I started thinking, trying to find ANY similarities between a year ago and today. While I still have a relationship with God and my family and friends, the dynamics of those relationships have changed drastically.

Literally, there isn't a single similarity between last year and today. I wasn't even BLONDE at this point last year! I was in school, moping over my recent-ish break-up, a work-aholic, with some miserable new friends and some standard old ones.

A mere 365 days later, I'm working in the wedding industry, balancing work and a social life, with a heart full of love for the most AMAZING people, two of which that don't even live in Colorado but we still find time to talk everyday. I get to spend a lot of quality time with my family, even if I rarely make it home in time for dinner with them. I'm back to being a blonde (and appreciating it far more than before) and I'm hopefully on track to be in Student Affairs.

I just thank God that he cares enough for us to bless us far beyond what we deserve. That in a short year, he can take us from the deepest pits of depression into a year of nothing but blessings.

I don't even have a PC anymore! I'm a MAC!!

Sheesh.

Porn for women...

I've decided that there a way too many similarities between porn for men and wedding blogs for women. For example, your partner doesn't want you to look at it, your partner would get freaked out if they caught you, and both give you ideas that are unattainable.

I found this with Amanda in Fort Collins and finally found the website (The books are called porn for women-- I don't suggest you just google away with that one...) they are HILARIOUS.

http://www.wannasnuggle.com/index/e-postcards/

Sorry- I just couldn't resist on this one. I promise there is NO actual porn.

An interesting night (to say the least)

So, imagine a night full of happiness, anger, laughter, sadness, confusion, frustration, and peace. Sounds a little bit tumultuous, right?

With three different conversations with two men and one boy, last night left me with a lot to think about. Two pieces to my night aren't really up for me to discuss because one shouldn't be broadcasted on my blog and the other I won't mention because he occasionally reads this, and I'd hate to make it that easy for him.

The third, however. The BOY I had to deal with was one from the past, I'll leave it to you to guess which one. After wrapping up my conversations with the men, I was head to pillow for a few minutes and was already wrapped up in my thoughts as it was. I quickly received a few text messages, and thinking they might be from Mr. Man, I excitedly grabbed my phone to read them. They were not from Mr. Man. They were from BOY. They were concerning my old blog and how it was making his friends thing that BOY and I had sex.

Let me make one thing clear for you, I completely believe in waiting until marriage. And if I were to lie about having sex with someone, it would NOT be this boy. It would probably be George Clooney or Michael Buble. You pickin' up what I'm throwin' down?

Shaking and crying and feeling all sorts of violated that my non-sex life continues to be a topic of conversation. I fired back some texts explaining that if his friends and family didn't take his word about our non-existent sexual relationship, than there was nothing taking down my blog was going to do about that. I mean seriously, this could be the third or fourth time this blog even mentions him and the blog before isn't accessible anymore. Instead of texting me late at night and harassing me, maybe there should be more owning up for not always being the most trustworthy person. Needless to say, I had even more to think about and proceeded to like awake until 5am.

I've spent the entire day NOT thinking about anything except for a stupid game my mom has gotten me addicted to. I just know there's all sorts of emotions all up in my head just waiting to be sorted out, but it was too much of a mess and I felt a little too vulnerable/tired today to deal with them.

On a separate note, my 5 hours of sleep last night was quite entertaining to my family tonight. There isn't really a difference between drunk-Molly and sleep-drived-Molly, so I'm glad I wasn't a bump on the log and at least made some folks laugh today. My family and friends were extremely helpful in giving perspective and making me feel supported and protected. It's situations like this that remind me just what I deserve and the type of boys to stay away from in the future.

Desire (Yeah, again.)

For those of you who followed my blog from before, it was mostly about pain and perseverance. It was definitely a rough part of life for more than one reason, but I look back feeling relieved to have made it out in one piece.

The last couple months have been going so well. I'm back in action in the gym, in church, at work and with great friends blossoming around me. I really couldn't have asked God for more, but apparently I did. I just feel like God has something more in store for me.

I really think God has more in store for my career. I love my job and the novelty of working in the wedding industry will never get old. It's a lot of fun to look at the different wedding blogs and to get to share the experience of others going through the planning process. But again, very little depth. I don't want a job where the goal is to just make money. I try my best to serve my employers, my clients and my vendors, but to what avail? I desperately want to serve others in a way that has a little bit more impact.

I got an email from the program head for the graduate program I applied to at Seattle U. She was just letting us know that we'd have an answer by February 16th. There was some finality to submitting the application and making it official, but now I sit here with the stark reality that in 13 days my life is going to go one of two directions. For the first time in these last amazing 3 1/2 months, I'm afraid and I'm even a bit teary eyed. I feel like I want to be in grad school so badly, that I'm just not sure how well I'll handle the rejection and I hope this is what God has planned for me.

I'm lucky to have a friend that reminded me that God has a plan for me and it may not be what I expect, but it'll be the best place for me. To be honest, this was the first time someone said what I was thinking rather than pushing me one way or another. I feel quite a bit better but I'm still going to go cry because I'm a girl and sometimes we just need a good cry, but once I wake up tomorrow (my day off!!!) I know He'll have it under control.

...Right?

They can't all be great, can they?

Today was so "blah." Other than a few bright spots and a few not-bright spots, it's all just averaged out to be quite nothing of a day.

Erika and I literally locked ourselves into the Villa today since Joe is gone. We had quite a few creepers make their way into the Villa last week and even though I have mace in my desk, it just seemed better to keep them out.

I submitted the last few pieces to my Seattle application. After talking over grad school (again) with my Dad before shooting clays yesterday, I'm even more convinced that I'll be moving to Seattle in August/September. It makes me sad to leave Villa Parker because I really think, given time, I could have really helped them get that place rocking and rolling. But I just need a little bit more depth.

There's less than 4 days until I stroll on into the Apple store for my new mac and only 11 days until I boogie on up to Seattle. I know 5 of those 11 days are going to be absolutely INSANE at work, but it'll help distract me and make time fly by before I go.

Erika and I got quite a bit of work done, but it bled over into my gym time, so I can already feel myself getting anxious to get in the gym and kick my butt. However, it'll have to wait. Tomorrow's my long day at work and something tells me it will in fact be long.