A year later...

Well, it's been almost a year since I last updated this silly thing. But, I sit here in bed, watching The Biggest Loser (typical) and realizing how quietly chaotic life is right now.

Sometimes I think I don't want to notice change. And with some HUGE life transitions coming up, I'm finding that my life is just like this room I sit in right now. Messy. And I don't know how it got there.

My weight got away from me, I left the Villa, I'm on some rocky ground with two friends, I'm leaving Colorado in 4 months (which last time I checked it was 5 months. Weird how quickly time flies...) and I'm getting married and starting a new family of our own. (No, not THAT family.)

Not all bad things, for sure, but these are some BIG things. Things that are creating a lot of turmoil in my mind/life that I haven't been really paying attention to until it just hit me. I'm thinking starting now with a good cleaning of my room and moving on to tackling a few other problems, it's time to get my life under some form of control. Yes, I know I can't control parts of my life, but it's time to get a hold of the things I CAN.

Get set...

Go.

Expectations...

Someone told me one time that where expectations and reality meet is where frustration lies. Well as of late, maybe my expectations were too high. There seems to be disappointment left and right today and it's hard to keep feeling so let down.

Not much else I can say, I guess. Here's hoping for less frustration.

Customer Service

I've finally come up with the most accurate definition for what it means to have excellent customer service all of the time...

Being able to pretend that people don't annoy you when they're actually bugging the crap out of you.

Yes, today I am a cynic. Days like today are the ones where it seems as though all the world's people decided to all annoy the same person. Obsessive calls, obtrusive visits, and the "it's all about me" bridal complex plagued the Villa Parker. And because I was alone at the Villa this past week, it all fell on my shoulders.

Most days I love my job. I have an amazing view, great bosses, a great assistant, the worlds greatest preferred partner association and the best opportunity to grow in photography. I love my clients and take a point of pride that I know more about my clients than the typical director of sales at wedding venues.

But just because I shouldn't complain, doesn't mean I can't! I'm so glad there's a wedding tomorrow to remind me why I love my job!

Waiting (not so) patiently...

Do I have this yet?!

Contracts

When you sign a contract, you are legally BOUND to an agreement with another entity. So if you sign a contract saying that you don't get a refund for canceling your event, it means.....

YOU DON'T GET A REFUND WHEN YOU CANCEL YOUR EVENT!!!!

You can plead and beg all you want, but beginning the argument with "I know I signed a contract but..." You agree that you are legally tied.

Sorry.

Got it.

So, there's a big difference between being an adult and being in college. Aside from waking up every day and ACTUALLY going to work instead of ditching class... none of the differences have been too horrible to deal with.

Until now.

Even my most difficult summers weren't really that bad. I still managed to get time off and had time to lounge around and do the things I wanted to do. But this summer is a complete 180 from my last. I went from working 10 hours a week and doing 4 hours of school/homework to working 50+ hours a week with hardly any time to myself.

The last two weeks have been so frustrating and I realized that it's been constant work work work. To go from such a relaxing summer to working everyday, it's been quite the adjustment and I'm not sure I'm doing it very well. Today, however, was great. I gave a quick morning tour and was off to a Rockies game with my Pops. Afterwards the folks and I went to dinner and came home to relax and watch a few movies before bed.

I'm hoping that things get a little bit more under control with the wedding season and that I can grab some more fun time and not get burnt out on weddings. (However, I am enjoying all the opportunities to get better at photography!)

Can't I just take pictures?

It's officially been 10 days since my last post and every day I pull up this page to enter a new post. I look at it for a few minutes and then return to facebook. It just feels like every day it's going to be the same story with a different date stamped on it.

Seriously-- this is all I have to say... My job is awesome but somedays the "bridal attitude" is a bit much. (At my house they're no longer referred to as "bride-zillas" but now "bride-villas.") My boyfriend is still in Germany and I'm still in Colorado. I meet the same friends for girls night at the same three places. Week in, week out, it's the same thing over and over... The only part that seems to keep me alive and well right now is taking pictures at events. It gives me something different to do, it gives me a creative outlet and it's something I still not good at so I

have plenty to learn.

Add in learning about SEO and some Glee and there's my life in a nutshell. Particularly for the last three weeks and for the next 4-5 months.

It's NOT all about you.

There's really never very much I have to complain about with my job. Every now and then there's a "My legs hurt" or "I need a day off" but other than that, I have a pretty amazing, cushy life at the Villa.

However these waves come in of brides where it's ALL about them. At least in their minds. They reschedule their tours 80 times, they book a tour and don't show up and never call or email. It's this attitude that our lives don't matter and we should just be here whenever they'd like us to be.

Short of asking them on the phone "Hey, are you actually going to show up, or are you going to waste 2 hours of my life on a Sunday afternoon that I could use doing something fun...?" there doesn't seem to be much I can do to prevent it. Which might be the most frustrating part of the whole ordeal.

GR.

Blarg.

I guess I should maybe update this silly thing...

Well... I'm back from Germany with mixed feelings. I had an amazing time, but when being completely honest, I can say I really don't care for Germany very much. However the Mr. Man is there... I LOVE America, but no Mr. Man.

Bummer.

I'm happy to be back in the States and I'm glad to be here with family and Ms. Cassie Rosch. But I can't help but feel rather jealous of Germany for holding hostage of my other. I'm pretty thankful for how well he took care of me and just how much he's sacrificing in order to serve in Germany.

Yep- That's all I got...

3 days

In three days I leave for Germany.

I should be THRILLED that I'm finally fulfilling my life's dream of visiting Europe! This is my first time out of the United States (excluding Canada and Hawaii... those don't count) so I should be stoked out of my mind, right?

All I can think about is that I'm finally going to get to hang out with the Mr. Man for more than 30 hours. Europe? Cool. Mr. Man? YES PLEASE!!!

And I'm really excited for the plane ride, but that's just because I'm weird and want to sit on a plane for 12 hours.

How to say it nicely...

"Hey Molly, I was just curious how I get into the wedding business? How do I get your job? How do I become a wedding planner?"

I swear, I've gotten this message on facebook, or some derivative of it, at least half a dozen times in the last 6 months. At first it was exciting because it reminded me that I have a stellar job. And while I still believe I have a great job, now it just makes me cry a little bit on the inside.

I keep thinking to myself "Oh no... not another wedding planner in Colorado!" Seriously!! It's the last thing we need. A great wedding planner, which is far and few between, can be a great asset. However, they have to compensate for the dozens upon dozens of self-proclaimed wedding coordinators who care more about which tacky tulle to drape and gather with a handful of fake roses than they do about making sure a timeline is done.

So after receiving yet another message today, I've re-written my reply several times, only to give up out of frustration. How can I gently tell these women to save themselves and the rest of us in the wedding business, and do something else?!?!

A Monday with this certainly does not suck...

Mr. Man sent me a card.

For no reason.

To tell me how much he loved me.

Because he saw a card and it reminded him of me.

Sounds like a keeper, if you ask me!

Without Pain

Well, it's Easter. Chocolate bunnies and eggs, marshmallow peeps, my favorite meal of the year and hanging out with the family. All of this is wonderful aside from the small food nap I was forced into. The day was great, but there was nothing that really stood out from the day except for my time at the gym.

It's been almost 2 years since I've really been at my peak with running. Running is my main source of stress-therapy, weight control, and keeping ADHD under wraps. For three years, running was exactly what I needed. After my knee pain started, everything else in life started to teeter and not having the ability to run, seemed to contribute to my frustration.

Easter meant a lot more to me this year than ever before. After learning last year just what pain God has saved me from, God's sacrifice for us has a little bit more weight. Today understanding what God gave up in order to show me grace was exactly what I needed to push a little bit further with running. If God has saved me from emotional pain, wouldn't he have also saved me from physical pain as well?

After 2 years, I finally made it to running over 30 minutes today! I have no knee pain, no pain in my legs and I only wanted to throw up a little bit ;) (Darn you Easter dinner!!)

Becoming Content

Get ready for some serious hard thinking here, folks... Yes, it does occasionally happen!

I was walking out to my car after a high quality work out and I walked by a set of parents putting their kids in the car. There had been a birthday party of some sort at the gym that day, so lots of kids had been walking out with balloons in tow. As I walked by the family, I saw the little girl's balloon take off into the sky.

Immediately the little girl started bawling inconsolably. I smiled a little bit because what seems so upsetting to her, isn't something worth crying and screaming over. Quickly I realized that I was smiling at someone's misfortune and her parents were watching me, so I shot them a "oh how sad" look and moved on to my car.

I drove away finding myself to be a bit more pensive about the situation than normal. I began to think that some day that little girl will lose her favorite doll and losing a balloon won't seem nearly as bad. Some day that little girl will move away and lose her friends and that suddenly, the loss of a toy, doesn't seem as difficult. She'll lose friends, she'll lose her first boyfriend, she'll get rejected, and it seems as though each new thing is the hardest thing to deal with until something worse comes along.

I kept thinking about how serene the elderly are, because they realize that a lot of things aren't worth crying over. At least out of sorrow, that is. After all that they've seen and all that they've endured, I can imagine it's hard to phase them with something new. After 70-80 years of loss, rejection, and pain, they seem to be pretty content and pretty appreciative of the times that aren't particularly sucky.

I'm sure there's a moral to live by within this all, but I'm still waiting for the caffeine to kick in. Maybe it's simply to know that as bad as things get at the time, know that God will get you through it and things can always get worse. The Lord won't take you where the Lord won't protect you!

Things pertaining to excitement

Starting March 30th, I'm going to start 41 days of crazy/awesome fun.

March and April will both end with a tasting event. These are great because there are 3 main ingredients: 1. Good food and desserts 2. The great people I work with and C. An opportunity to practice taking pictures.

April kicks off with the Great Cassie Rosch's birthday. I'm excited to send her a little something something because those of us born on the lucky 7th day of the month have to stick together!

That weekend will lend itself to TWO amazing things. 1. The actual wedding of Preggo Bride. (If you didn't read my blog post about them, you probably should. It was the most drama I've encountered at my job and was a hilariously ridiculous day.) and 2. The Professional Photographer's workshop at the Villa. Not only do I get to sit in all day and absorb their information and awesomeness, I will also be a model! I will be wearing a big white dress and am (not so) secretly excited about it! I'm even practicing smiling with my eyes and my deconstructed couture poses. Thanks Tyra!

Soon after that, GLEE will re-enter my life which means Britt-Marie will as well! I'm sad it'll be on Tuesdays now, but that will give me something to make sure I leave work promptly at 7PM.

The next weekend will be an 80th birthday party at the Villa, and well... Erika and I seem to love the old people who come to the Villa so it'll be an excellent opportunity to pick up more adopted grandparents.

After a few days to rest and get some good work done, add in two more birthdays and I'll be just HOURS away from seeing Mr. Man in my first European excursion!! I am SO excited to get to see him considering our entire relationship, we've spent a whopping 30 hours together. Oh... and that whole going to Europe, but realistically-- I'm more excited about seeing him!!

This whole stream of events will all be leading up to my first wedding season and I'm excited that I'll get some more practice with my camera before I'll be bombarded with nothing but photo ops.

With just over a week to go until the spree begins, I apologize in advance for the massive amounts of pictures I'll be loading onto facebook. (Of course this all depends on the new foot of snow melting so we can leave the house...)

Grow a Pair

Last night I couldn't write anything about my week. After some more reflection over what seemed to go wrong I came to one conclusions: Somedays, I just have to tell myself to grow a pair.

Not literally, of course, but some days, some pretty negative feelings creep up on me. About 95% of the time, it's related to fear. I know overcoming fear has been an issue for me in the past and I'm certain it will always be something I will need to work on.

This past week was a lot of fear and the side effects of it: timidity, nervousness, and insecurity. I'm thankful for the people in my life who have made it easier to get over my fear, but when push comes to shove, I really just need to grow a pair.

So, here it is plain and simple:

1. Specifically this week, I am SO thankful for Joe and how open and honest he lets me be about my job. I've NEVER had an employer who made it so easy to express my frustrations. Probably partly because I've always worked for A. Dr. J. Steven Moore (who intimidated the crap out of me.) and B. Student Affairs Professionals (who poo-pooed expressing frustrations without the right filter.) Not to say that Erika hasn't done the same, because I've learned a lot from her and love her as a boss, but this week- Joe wins it.

2. I'm sick of brides dictating my life. Nope, sorry, if you don't like that I'm choosing my mom's birthday over giving you a Saturday tour, than please-- book somewhere else!

3. I have the greatest boyfriend EVER. Normally, I'd find some excuse NOT to go to Germany in May and find some little hole to duck into so that I wouldn't have to actually live my life. But knowing that it'll be with him and that I trust him more than all of my past boyfriends combined makes it exciting.

4. Oh yeah, I'm going to Germany in May. Period.

5. I want to be a photographer. I probably suck pretty hard core at it right now, but all great photographers had to start somewhere. I'm not going to pussyfoot around it with our photographers at the Villa anymore and while I respect what they do, I think I could do it, too.

6. I wore pink for the first time since the 3rd grade. I think I might do it again. I might even start wearing dresses.

Okay. That's all.

:)

35 Minutes of Nothing.

I've spent the last 35 minutes trying to write anything about this last week.

With only a few redeeming moments, I can easily say this week just sucked balls.

The end.

A New Big Picture

Thursday night is girls night here in the Denver Metro. Panda, Erica and I saddle up and plop ourselves down in front of each other with a beer in hand. It's a great way to head into Friday (especially when you have Fridays off because you work Saturdays...) and it's the best time to catch up about boys, school/work, and life adventures.

Finally catching them up on Mr. Man, they asked what his goal was for when he got older. Not really sure what the answer was, I kept thinking about it as I went home. I'm sure he has plans for where he wants to end up in the Air Force, but what really had the gears turning was the same thought:

Do I even know where I want to end up?

My job at the Villa is a great place for me right now. I can live at home, save some money up for whatever adventures God throws me (i.e. trips to Germany/Seattle) and a job that opens up a lot of doors. Not to mention how HUGELY spoiled I am with my amazing office with the perfect view that 50 year old execs would be jealous of.

But is that where I see myself in 2 years? 5? 10? Sad as it may be, I don't see myself in Parker for that long. So what else could I do? Where is this place/niche that God sees me in?

After a few days of soul searching and asking God to show me where he'd like me to go, it dawned on me. I have access to 11 of the greatest photographers in Colorado. God has given me plenty of events to shoot, professionals brains to pick, a beautiful venue, and a great camera.

I've hesitated quite a bit in admitting this because I SO respect the photographers I know and what they do. They have such a creative style and they are so unique compared to any other ho-hum "enthusiast" who picks up a camera and calls them self and photographer. Hopefully I can actually do something with a camera that they'll respect.

Lessons Learned in 2010

Things I've learned in 2010 so far:

1. Doctor's don't actually know much about knee pain.

2. Jewish weddings are a BLAST.

3. Seattle is a wonderful place filled with Starbucks and hipsters.

4. Wear socks while running.

Whoops.

A Double Whammy

I've spent a lot of time in my past year learning about a few main things:

1. The differences between men and women

2. What it means to be a woman of God

3. The differences between happiness and JOY.

In my blog posts about the differences between happiness and JOY, I guess I never really concluded that happiness was a pretty sweet deal, too.

A few nights ago, I felt like a giddy high school girl again after another great phone chat with the Mr. Man. Later on, I had to remind myself that it was happiness, not JOY. But as I laid in bed talking to myself, a nightly occurrence for crazy people like me, I found myself asking what was so bad about happiness, especially when it accompanies your JOY?

Of course, I still maintain the reasoning that JOY is the ultimate goal and that the only way to reach and keep JOY in your life is to have a consistent and meaningful relationship with God. I think JOY is something you work towards everyday, but happiness is situational. Happiness is something that happens to you.

But how blessed are those of us that don't just have JOY in every day life, especially during the trivial tasks of the day, but we have happiness as well?

That my friends is a double whammy. A pretty awesome one at that.