Sunday, March 28, 2010

Becoming Content

Get ready for some serious hard thinking here, folks... Yes, it does occasionally happen!

I was walking out to my car after a high quality work out and I walked by a set of parents putting their kids in the car. There had been a birthday party of some sort at the gym that day, so lots of kids had been walking out with balloons in tow. As I walked by the family, I saw the little girl's balloon take off into the sky.

Immediately the little girl started bawling inconsolably. I smiled a little bit because what seems so upsetting to her, isn't something worth crying and screaming over. Quickly I realized that I was smiling at someone's misfortune and her parents were watching me, so I shot them a "oh how sad" look and moved on to my car.

I drove away finding myself to be a bit more pensive about the situation than normal. I began to think that some day that little girl will lose her favorite doll and losing a balloon won't seem nearly as bad. Some day that little girl will move away and lose her friends and that suddenly, the loss of a toy, doesn't seem as difficult. She'll lose friends, she'll lose her first boyfriend, she'll get rejected, and it seems as though each new thing is the hardest thing to deal with until something worse comes along.

I kept thinking about how serene the elderly are, because they realize that a lot of things aren't worth crying over. At least out of sorrow, that is. After all that they've seen and all that they've endured, I can imagine it's hard to phase them with something new. After 70-80 years of loss, rejection, and pain, they seem to be pretty content and pretty appreciative of the times that aren't particularly sucky.

I'm sure there's a moral to live by within this all, but I'm still waiting for the caffeine to kick in. Maybe it's simply to know that as bad as things get at the time, know that God will get you through it and things can always get worse. The Lord won't take you where the Lord won't protect you!

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Things pertaining to excitement

Starting March 30th, I'm going to start 41 days of crazy/awesome fun.

March and April will both end with a tasting event. These are great because there are 3 main ingredients: 1. Good food and desserts 2. The great people I work with and C. An opportunity to practice taking pictures.

April kicks off with the Great Cassie Rosch's birthday. I'm excited to send her a little something something because those of us born on the lucky 7th day of the month have to stick together!

That weekend will lend itself to TWO amazing things. 1. The actual wedding of Preggo Bride. (If you didn't read my blog post about them, you probably should. It was the most drama I've encountered at my job and was a hilariously ridiculous day.) and 2. The Professional Photographer's workshop at the Villa. Not only do I get to sit in all day and absorb their information and awesomeness, I will also be a model! I will be wearing a big white dress and am (not so) secretly excited about it! I'm even practicing smiling with my eyes and my deconstructed couture poses. Thanks Tyra!

Soon after that, GLEE will re-enter my life which means Britt-Marie will as well! I'm sad it'll be on Tuesdays now, but that will give me something to make sure I leave work promptly at 7PM.

The next weekend will be an 80th birthday party at the Villa, and well... Erika and I seem to love the old people who come to the Villa so it'll be an excellent opportunity to pick up more adopted grandparents.

After a few days to rest and get some good work done, add in two more birthdays and I'll be just HOURS away from seeing Mr. Man in my first European excursion!! I am SO excited to get to see him considering our entire relationship, we've spent a whopping 30 hours together. Oh... and that whole going to Europe, but realistically-- I'm more excited about seeing him!!

This whole stream of events will all be leading up to my first wedding season and I'm excited that I'll get some more practice with my camera before I'll be bombarded with nothing but photo ops.

With just over a week to go until the spree begins, I apologize in advance for the massive amounts of pictures I'll be loading onto facebook. (Of course this all depends on the new foot of snow melting so we can leave the house...)

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Grow a Pair

Last night I couldn't write anything about my week. After some more reflection over what seemed to go wrong I came to one conclusions: Somedays, I just have to tell myself to grow a pair.

Not literally, of course, but some days, some pretty negative feelings creep up on me. About 95% of the time, it's related to fear. I know overcoming fear has been an issue for me in the past and I'm certain it will always be something I will need to work on.

This past week was a lot of fear and the side effects of it: timidity, nervousness, and insecurity. I'm thankful for the people in my life who have made it easier to get over my fear, but when push comes to shove, I really just need to grow a pair.

So, here it is plain and simple:
1. Specifically this week, I am SO thankful for Joe and how open and honest he lets me be about my job. I've NEVER had an employer who made it so easy to express my frustrations. Probably partly because I've always worked for A. Dr. J. Steven Moore (who intimidated the crap out of me.) and B. Student Affairs Professionals (who poo-pooed expressing frustrations without the right filter.) Not to say that Erika hasn't done the same, because I've learned a lot from her and love her as a boss, but this week- Joe wins it.
2. I'm sick of brides dictating my life. Nope, sorry, if you don't like that I'm choosing my mom's birthday over giving you a Saturday tour, than please-- book somewhere else!
3. I have the greatest boyfriend EVER. Normally, I'd find some excuse NOT to go to Germany in May and find some little hole to duck into so that I wouldn't have to actually live my life. But knowing that it'll be with him and that I trust him more than all of my past boyfriends combined makes it exciting.
4. Oh yeah, I'm going to Germany in May. Period.
5. I want to be a photographer. I probably suck pretty hard core at it right now, but all great photographers had to start somewhere. I'm not going to pussyfoot around it with our photographers at the Villa anymore and while I respect what they do, I think I could do it, too.
6. I wore pink for the first time since the 3rd grade. I think I might do it again. I might even start wearing dresses.

Okay. That's all.

Friday, March 19, 2010

35 Minutes of Nothing.

I've spent the last 35 minutes trying to write anything about this last week.

With only a few redeeming moments, I can easily say this week just sucked balls.

The end.

Sunday, March 14, 2010

A New Big Picture

Thursday night is girls night here in the Denver Metro. Panda, Erica and I saddle up and plop ourselves down in front of each other with a beer in hand. It's a great way to head into Friday (especially when you have Fridays off because you work Saturdays...) and it's the best time to catch up about boys, school/work, and life adventures.

Finally catching them up on Mr. Man, they asked what his goal was for when he got older. Not really sure what the answer was, I kept thinking about it as I went home. I'm sure he has plans for where he wants to end up in the Air Force, but what really had the gears turning was the same thought:

Do I even know where I want to end up?

My job at the Villa is a great place for me right now. I can live at home, save some money up for whatever adventures God throws me (i.e. trips to Germany/Seattle) and a job that opens up a lot of doors. Not to mention how HUGELY spoiled I am with my amazing office with the perfect view that 50 year old execs would be jealous of.

But is that where I see myself in 2 years? 5? 10? Sad as it may be, I don't see myself in Parker for that long. So what else could I do? Where is this place/niche that God sees me in?

After a few days of soul searching and asking God to show me where he'd like me to go, it dawned on me. I have access to 11 of the greatest photographers in Colorado. God has given me plenty of events to shoot, professionals brains to pick, a beautiful venue, and a great camera.

I've hesitated quite a bit in admitting this because I SO respect the photographers I know and what they do. They have such a creative style and they are so unique compared to any other ho-hum "enthusiast" who picks up a camera and calls them self and photographer. Hopefully I can actually do something with a camera that they'll respect.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Lessons Learned in 2010

Things I've learned in 2010 so far:
1. Doctor's don't actually know much about knee pain.
2. Jewish weddings are a BLAST.
3. Seattle is a wonderful place filled with Starbucks and hipsters.
4. Wear socks while running.


Friday, March 12, 2010

A Double Whammy

I've spent a lot of time in my past year learning about a few main things:
1. The differences between men and women
2. What it means to be a woman of God
3. The differences between happiness and JOY.

In my blog posts about the differences between happiness and JOY, I guess I never really concluded that happiness was a pretty sweet deal, too.

A few nights ago, I felt like a giddy high school girl again after another great phone chat with the Mr. Man. Later on, I had to remind myself that it was happiness, not JOY. But as I laid in bed talking to myself, a nightly occurrence for crazy people like me, I found myself asking what was so bad about happiness, especially when it accompanies your JOY?

Of course, I still maintain the reasoning that JOY is the ultimate goal and that the only way to reach and keep JOY in your life is to have a consistent and meaningful relationship with God. I think JOY is something you work towards everyday, but happiness is situational. Happiness is something that happens to you.

But how blessed are those of us that don't just have JOY in every day life, especially during the trivial tasks of the day, but we have happiness as well?

That my friends is a double whammy. A pretty awesome one at that.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

The Other Side

Right before Mr. Man left to go back to Alabama, I gave him a copy of Wild at Heart. Having read a few chapters of it earlier in college, I thought it might be a book he'd enjoy. Since it's the male counterpart to my favorite book, Captivating, I was hoping it might give him some insight into himself as Captivating did for me.

I purchased myself a copy as well and until now, I haven't really been very into it. I blame my indifference towards the book on my gender, but once I put aside my own feelings and determined to read it in an attempt to better understand this Mr. Man God has put in my life, it started getting a little bit easier.

Last night, I finally finished Chapter 5 and I laid in bed somewhat baffled...

Men are people, too??

Until now, men had just been this other necessary evil accompanying us ladies through life. Chapter five, titled The Battle for a Man's Heart, kept mentioning this question men have about being good enough, being strong enough, and where does strength come from and how a man finds his strength.

That's all fine and dandy, but I still haven't gotten past the whole concept that men have these questions and these rite of passage moments. Clearly, I've been stuck in lady-land and so wrapped up in what it means to be a woman that I didn't realize that there was an equal struggle for men to become men.

Men have become somewhat more real to me in the last day, as if the veil has been drawn and there's an actual human being looking back at me.


Sunday, March 7, 2010

Little moments of their lives

Friday night, we had an event with the Ponderosa High School girl's basketball team. I was less than thrilled that it was Ponderosa, but I cracked a couple jokes while in the planning process and went along with it.

The event went mostly well and at times I was reminded that I am in fact a servant where I work. Not seen OR heard, under appreciated when I do a perfect job and scolded when one thing goes wrong. There's really nothing wrong with that until the point of contact at the event snaps her fingers at you or grabs you by the elbow to pull you away to focus on her problems.

But even being reminded that I'm a servant, there was a really special moment at their event. I was sitting by the AV equipment running their slideshows and as I sat there listening to the coach speak about the senior girls going off to college and cracking jokes about kids that go to Chaparral (where I went to school), there was a very warm moment where I realized what a special event they were sharing with us.

It's a pretty big gift that we at the Villa get to be a part of some of the greatest events in people's lives. Weddings, senior banquets, 80th birthday parties-- all windows into their lives and their celebrations and we get to be a part of it.

It was rather special...

...even if it was Ponderosa HS.

Friday, March 5, 2010

One Day at a Time

"We're just trying to take it one day at a time."

When I heard people say that, I always thought "Well DUH! How else are you supposed to live? A week at a time??" But it happened. I said it. I had to remind myself to live "one day at a time."

It started getting really easy to just focus on July, September and maybe October for the big events, but it wasn't easy at all. It actually really sucked knowing that these amazing events are still 100 days+ away but I wanted to live months at a time and get them over quicker.

So, in attempt to not pout and still be enjoyable to be around for the next (127-ish) days, we'll just take it one day at a time and thank God for the great things that happen on the day-to-day. Time flies when you're having fun, right?

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

One Blessed Little Lady

I get nervous about talking about some topics too much because I don't really want to bore people or make them think that I have nothing better to talk about. While I have great stories from work and from adventures, I realize that I talk about my relationship with God and how blessed I am, A LOT.

BUT this is my blog and I'll talk about whatever I want! Deal with it! :)

I had never had a long term relationship with any guy until Trevor. So, when it ended, I admittedly fell apart. I cried so much my poor mom at one point pretty much had to tell me to put a cork in it. (She did it in a much more loving way than that however...). Taking someone out of my life like that was something that I've never really had to experience before. I've had a family member or two die in my lifetime, but none that I was ever really close with and was really affected by.

When that relationship was over, it felt like the only person who had "loved" me had left my life, but God used a lot of things to show me just how blessed I am and how much he loves me. As soon as I understood more about how much God loved me, I started getting a realization of how much my parents love me, and how important I was to other people.

It's the honest truth that I've learned to find my value first by how much God loves me and then also my family and good friends. I think coming to terms with the love I'm constantly surrounded by has (hopefully?) made me a better Christian, daughter, friend, sister, etc. and I can definitely see that even when life isn't perfect, I am still one incredibly blessed little lady.

After T and I broke up, my dad mentioned what kind of guy he'd like to see me with and what he expects from out of "the one" and at first, I didn't quite get it. But overtime and learning more about how blessed I am, I understand the HUGE difference between the right guy and the guys I've been dating.

I'm think my parents would be happy to know that I think I'm at least on the right track. I think they're secretly very curious how my weekend went, so maybe this will help appease that :D