Sunday, December 27, 2009

Chip on my shoulder

Oh the joys that Musical Theatre can teach us ;) From Legally Blonde:

This chip on my shoulder
Makes me smarter and bolder
No more whining or blaming
I am reclaiming my pride

I don't really want to go through life with a chip on my shoulder, but I think I'm all about "reclaiming my pride" and "no more whining and blaming."

I'm happy to be vulnerable to the men that deserve it, but for now (singing) I've got a chip on my shoulder, it's the size of a boulder...

Monday, December 21, 2009

A Novice

I'm seriously LOVING photography. It makes me happy and I've seriously had to resist taking my camera to bed with me. (When I was younger my mom got me snow boots for Christmas one year. I loved them SOO much, I slept with them on. So when I say I almost slept with them, it doesn't mean in the sexual way, it means in the "I don't want to spend a minute with out them" sort of way.)

I realized that this is so exciting because I know a lot of people who are photo-fluent. They speak the language, they know what it means and how it relates to pictures. Me, on the other hand, I'm a novice! I know so little about this and it's so exciting to be able to learn from others.

Too many times in my life I've had to prove that I'm not in fact an idiot (like today at the doctors- another story for another time.) So I've had to thrive and strive to prove myself which is super not what I'm about as a woman, but it happens. In turn, photography has allowed me to enjoy my photo-ignorance and to embrace not being good at something.

::sigh:: I love photography.

Mmm Photos

I love my new camera.

Saturday, December 19, 2009

Beware: I have shutter speed...

I LOVE photography. Scratch that.
I LOVE good photography.

One of my favorite parts of my job at the Villa is the amount of amazing pictures I get to look at. As a graduation present, I was given my first legit camera. A Canon Rebel EOS with an 18-55 mm 1:3.5-5.6 IS lens and SOMEDAY I'll learn what those numbers mean and how it relates to my pictures. I know the 18-55 mm is the amount of space between the lens and the sensor and it determines how much zoom your camera has. Needless to say, I don't have much zoom comparing my 18mm to oh say... 300?


But I'm stoked! Already I'm loving this camera/lens and having a pretty legit hobby. It also gives me some excellent questions to talk over with our preferred partners at the Villa in photography. But be warned, I made 27 albums on facebook in one year with my Sony Cybershot. And now that I have a camera I'm tempted to wear to bed, I make no promises that you won't get sick of reading "Molly Joy has uploaded ___ new photos" on facebook!

Friday, December 18, 2009

A random assortment of things

I get to walk in graduation! It really doesn't feel like I finished school. It was sort of just like I stopped going to classes. Which wasn't too far from when I was actually in school, but let's not go there. I feel a little sheepish because I already made my grand exit with my friends, but again, without the ceremony and the cap and gown, it just still doesn't feel right.

Speaking of other things that don't feel right, I'm done with Dr. McDonough. Or as I'm referring to him as, Dr. McDunno. I sat in his office in pain and I got "Well there's nothing wrong with you." as I sat there with pain. However, an hour and a half after the appointment and some quality time with wikipedia, I think I've figured out what is wrong. I should be a doctor ;) He referred me to a doctor who might actually give a s**t about me and might actually do something.

Finished school: Check
Job: Check
Church: Check
Future Bible Study: Check
Knee: On our way
A Man: Well... let's not get carried away!

On a side note, I'm SUPER stoked about Christmas! This is the first time in my life that I've had a big-girl paycheck and I am finally able to pay for the presents I want to get people without going into debt.

Life is good.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009


Stupid KNEE!!

You knew this blog post was coming. I even said it was in the last post, so don't blame me.

I am SO frustrated with my knee, the physical therapists and the knee surgeon. I'm sick of wearing my special shoes and they are quickly becoming less and less special to me. I don't have any where to wear them to, but every now and then, a girl needs to wear heals!!

My physical therapist has been half-assing it until tomorrow, when he and I are going to have a serious conversation about WTF is up with my knee. I've experienced MORE pain since starting PT than I have since I quit working out in September.

Keep in mind that I have TWO weddings to work at the end of December, both requiring me to work from 8AM to 1AM. Work meaning cleaning, running around, doing everything for brides, meaning a LOT of standing, walking, and running.


Monday, December 7, 2009

We live today for hope of tomorrow...

I went to church yesterday! And it was GOOD! Aside from the somewhat miserable worship band and the distracting amount of good looking people, there was a message. It was clear, I understood it, and it made me think. Which, isn't that what sermons are meant to do?

The message I got from the sermon was sensible in thinking that Christianity isn't here to denounce what is Earthly, but to use them in a healthy way in our wait for the future. We are meant to enjoy what good things God has given us (friendship, good food and drink) but to not become obsessed with them.

Here's the gist of it:
For those of us who are not beautiful, don't become obsessed with being beautiful, but be content because at some point you will be a beautiful angel.
For those of us who are not rich, don't become obsessed with working because in Heaven we'll have all the riches we could ever want.

It was a great message and I felt comfortable with the people I was surrounded by. No doubt they all have their flaws just as I do, but I felt welcome and like I kinda belonged there! Weird...

Job: Check
Church: Check
Knee: Well... that's another blog for another day...

Friday, December 4, 2009

One step at a time...

Well, I've got a job. A fantastic one at that! God has blessed me with understanding and amazing supervisors. A job that uses my talents, is challenging and I'm excited to go to daily. One step is out of the way and we're on to tackling the knee situation.

I must say I unloaded on my physical therapist a bit during our first appointment. I think those around me would agree in that I feel stuck. I want to work out more than I think I could explain. Working long hours is best assuaged by running every frustration and any left over energy out subdues my ADHD into submission quite nicely.

He's a nice man, however, I could manage without his affinity for slapping my butt. While I inherently feel a sense of trust with this man, I think it's a little early for "good game"-ing. He does know that I'm at my last wits with my knee pain. My family can attest to my frustration with the knee surgeon that didn't think my two years of knee pain, even post physical therapy, deserved surgery. I know it's not a quick fix, but at least then we'd know for sure what was wrong and would be on a path to fixing it.

I sit here writing this with a sore bum from the PT exercises. Apparently my knee pain stems from a weak butt and hips. Add on that my knee is in the wrong spot because one quad muscle won't activate and we seem to know what the problem is.

Job: check.
Knee: in process
Next up? A social life.

Sunday, November 15, 2009


I've applied everywhere.

Out of ~250 applications, I've gotten 3 interviews.

Out of 3 interviews, I've gotten three jobs. One with a bogus "marketing" company in August, one with Red Robin, two days after getting hired at Villa Parker.

It's kinda weird being unemployed for that long. I wasn't losing faith in God, but I was somewhat losing faith in myself. I've always been an excellent interviewer. It's some weird gift that I don't get nervous or freaked out during them. In my life, I've applied for a lot of jobs and if I got an interview I 98% of the time, got the job. The only place not to hire me is Starbucks.

So applying all over the place and not getting hired, I was getting pretty frustrated. Even after Red Robin. I applied for a job that I sort of felt was beneath me but was do-able. They said they'd call by Friday and if I didn't hear from them, it meant they had gone with someone else. Well thank goodness they didn't call on time! My third day on the job at Villa Parker, Red Robin called to offer me a job.

My faith in myself has been restored. And after a knee doctor appointment with an MRI on the way (pending my insurance), working a fantastic job and being just days away from getting my final score on the GRE, life seems just a little bit better than 3 weeks ago. Still snowy, but better.

Monday, November 9, 2009

What am I? 70?

"Maybe if I just type out what I'm feeling, I'll stop thinking about it."

I'm getting so fed up with my knee. I can't run, I can't hike, I can't bike, I can't even do YOGA. Seriously, just going grocery shopping with my mom for an hour means staying up for a few hours because my knees hurt.

I relied on working out. It was my sanity-keeper. It helped in controlling my ADHD, it was a motivator, it let me get all of my frustrations out and it was time I took for myself. And now, I'm noticing my body changing because eating healthy really only goes so far. Seriously, WTF. Am I 70 years old? I'm experiencing some of the same problems my grandma is having! Seriously! I've already had carpal tunnel surgery (which she's had three times) and she's had knee surgery more times than I can count. I'm fricken' 23 years old and I should be able to run or go hiking!

I can't tell you how badly I was hoping the Doctor would be able to see me today. But alas I have to wait until Thursday. Monkey eff.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

ADHD and Adderall

I've been feeling quite unmotivated to study geometry lately. Which isn't unusual because let's face it, geometry sucks. But with the GRE testing date readily approaching, it is one of the last sections of the test I have left to tackle. A week ago, I was perusing my medicine collection looking for a decongestant and stumbled over the spare adderall I saved just in case. I looked at it for a second, reminisced for a moment of what it was like on that drug, and carried on with my sniffly-nosed self.

However today, I sat there with the orange vile in my hand for several moments weighing the pros and cons of the drug. With somewhat of a nervous heart, I broke a pill into fourths. I wrapped one piece in a kleenex and took it with me to Starbucks to study for my friend, the GRE.

I ended up taking it and with in 20 minutes, I remembered what it was like to feel momentarily capable. I stopped for a second to try to think of just what it's like to take adderall. What I came up with is that I have two voices in my head. (Haha, go ahead make jokes- I have voices in my head.) But these two voices are covered by every other sound in the world. In Starbucks, it was just people talking, pulling their chairs out, the coffee machines whirling, cell phones going off, music overhead and it forms this cloud over my brain. I can't hear myself think, I can't even hear my music on my earphones. Pile all of that on top of trying to think and focus on flash cards and it just wasn't happening.

But as soon as the adderall kicks in, all I hear is ME. I hear my running voices and the crowd of voices around me just seems to silence itself. It's like God puts the mute button on the rest of the world and I'm left to my voices. One voice is like the broad voice telling me all the things I need to do that day- flashcards, geometry, quiet time with God, calling people, writing personal statements. This voice works in sync with the other voice that motivates me and drives me. "Finish these vocab words before you leave. Next word... Next... Next." One voice is the one that pushes forward and one is the voice that encompasses all that my life needs. Between these voices I finish things, I accomplish what I need, and I meet goals. Being dyslexic and ADD I just imagine that adderall is what allows both sides of my brain to work together. Sort of this great equalizer of my mind.

It's raised a lot of questions as to WHY ON GOD'S GREEN EARTH my doctor ever suggested that I take one half of a pill twice a day, when 1/4th of a pill seemed to work just as fine. I can't imagine that I'll have a hard time sleeping tonight due to 1/4th of a pill, but I guess we'll find out in due time.

Saturday, October 24, 2009


I'm pretty proud of myself. I've been really content with the direction of my life as of lately. Lots of studying for the GRE, volunteer training all over the place, and no more fighting with my parents. This isn't to say everything has been perfect, however. Without being able to work out due to my bum knee, my jeans were getting a little too tight. Luckily for me, I was addicted to The Biggest Loser beforehand and have picked up a new interest in nutrition and everything will be just fine.

Today, however, I had a slight panic. I remember growing up that I always kind of imagined that I'd be married by the time I was 25. I'm 23, I turn 24 in June and I (hopefully) leave for grad school in July/August. And I can't imagine that me in grad school would leave a whoooole lot of time to date. To me this just doesn't seem like the perfect time to be finding a man.

But I was pretty proud of myself for being able to calm myself down quickly and remember that God has a plan for my life... and a spectacular one at that! I had a rough year, but I get that feeling and I really believe that everything is going to be okay. Nay! Better than okay- pretty darn fantastic!

Sunday, October 18, 2009

It's not judging if it's true...

Okay, tonight was the camel that broke the camel's back.

I am SO SICK and frustrated with people in this world who say they are Christians and go along their path of narcissism and destruction. This includes politicians and "musicians" that use the title of "Christian" in order to gain support from people who wouldn't know whether they are. Sure, they probably think they are Christians, but just SAYING that you're a Christian doesn't make you holy.

Good grief. Two of my least favorite people in this world use TV and internet to perpetuate their drama-filled lives. It seems as though you see them on MTV every week fighting, obsessing over their possessions and their meaningless lives. I went onto Twitter for the first time in a while the other day and saw Heidi Montag's profile on there. There were two types of tweets on her page. The ones where she was repeating all the praises she received from people about her blossoming music career (please note my disdain on the word music) and then her tweets about how much she loves God.

At first I didn't want to judge. Especially because it's been something I've been working hard on; not judging other people. But when I tried to find out if maybe she had experienced some life changes that led her to Christ, I saw that nothing in her life had changed and even found TONS of pictures of her dancing with strippers, videos of her fighting with her hubby (who I believe is an angel for the devil himself- okay maybe that's judging...) and general drama.

I don't tell people I'm Christian anymore. I think it has such a bad connotation now that people judge me immediately when I say I am. To me it's not about the religion, it's not about the reputation- it's about living a life worthy of Jesus dying for it. I finally understand the pain Jesus died to save me from and I want to make sure others understand that love.

Okay. I'm don't venting now. Thanks.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

A day with snakes...

So my dad has this past-time. We have a chart on the fridge of how many snakes he's killed. After today, I've contributed to this list. I'm not sure if I'm proud of myself or if I feel bad for killing them, but it at least made for a funny story.

How our house is built in the backyard, there's some concrete landscaping and it's apparently left a lot of open dirt space for snakes to bury and travel. Unfortunately for us, this means we get a TON of snakes. This also means we have mice, hawks, owls, and we're the only house on the block that isn't flooded with humming birds (sad). My reasoning to not feel bad about killing these slithering creeps is that they've attracted birds that are capable of carrying off our poor, frightened Scottish Terrier.

The story starts yesterday when my dad left, leaving me in charge of the snake hunts. I had never actually killed one before- only watched dad kill them. I had spotted this TINY sort of bright green one and he and I played hide and seek all day. Seriously, the score was Snake:3, Molly:0

So this morning I got up and it was warmer out so I thought there would be some snakes out. I got my trusty shovel and spotted one by a tree. I stabbed my shovel it and... he was still alive. Now, I know it's a garter snake and it doesn't have enough venom to actually hurt a human being, but the thought of picking up that shovel and being attacked by something that creepy just wasn't cutting it.

My mom had come out to take a picture of the hilarity (me stuck with a shovel, one pant leg rolled up from my bike ride, and a snake creeping me out... haha funny!) so I had her get the other shovel so I could try again. Not only did I hit the snake, I managed to stop the rebound of the handle to the shovel with my forehead.

I still, 12 hours later, have a bump on my forehead. However I managed to kill two more snakes after the first one and the elusive baby snake escaped me two more times.

Monday, October 12, 2009


I know that God has given me gifts. They're not traditional gifts like speaking in tongues or memorizing scripture, but they're my gifts and I'm grateful for them!

I'm excited because my parents really seem to understand that grad school and Student Affairs is where I feel God is calling me and where I can use my gift. And now that they understand that, they also understand the value that volunteering for the next couple of months has for my path.

A lot of opportunities have opened up and they don't sound like they're just going to be a typical volunteer experience. Working with refugees from Africa, a volunteer probation officer, and helping adult learners with literacy. They all sound like there is opportunity to learn from others lives and experiences to expand my own limited view of the world.

Thursday, October 8, 2009


When I was going through the training to become a Resident Assistant, we spent a fair amount of time discussing diversity. One of the topics they introduced was privilege. Meaning that being of a certain race, religion, socioeconomic status, or gender gives you automatic privilege. White, middle class men who identify as Christian have the most privilege in our society. (Yes, they probably have the hardest time getting scholarships to college but other than that- they don't have too many reasons to complain in life.)

We can use our privilege to be allies to people with less privilege. Because I'm a white Christian female, it's easier for me to speak out on behalf of other women who have been sexually assaulted. Particularly Christians are called to help others. God blesses us so that we can use that blessing to glorify God and help others. Someone pointed it out that often times we just receive God's blessing and then never pass it on.

I've waited a while to say this and I hope that anyone from this group of people takes this with an open heart and mind. I understand that when I was in this group, I didn't do anything to change this. However, I don't feel like the students in Navigators use their privilege correctly. They have time and are highly sociable and yet they only keep to themselves.

While occassionally a new person is accepted into their clan- they are still always together. Which is great to a degree, don't get me wrong- but how is closing themselves off to the rest of the University helping spread the word of God? How do you make non-believers believers by not hanging out with them? I understand that the missions trip they take to Seattle every spring break is doing great work, but it's one week of the year.

And I'm not saying this represents everyone who has ever attended Navs or that I'm any better at it than they are, but I think it should be something considered. S'alls I'm saying.

This comes up in my mind because I'm very excited that I've been granted the time and security to volunteer. Having spoken with the library, the hospital, and the victims assistance team in Parker- I realize how excited I am to use my privilege as a Christian to help others. People who don't know about Jesus or people who have lost their way.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Haircuts, knees and other issues

First off, let me point out that I recently got a hair trim. I had this one chunk of hair that would always get in my eyes and face and couldn't decide whether it was part of my bangs or not. The lady took the razor to it and my bangs finally seem to make sense with the rest of my hair.

The problem? My hair cut is WAY too similar to my guinea pigs'.

It's been 3 days since my bike ride around Parker and my knees still hurt. Which also means it's been a week since I've worked out. Part of me just wants to say "screw it" and keep working out. But deep down I know it'll just get worse and worse. I don't think I could explain just how frustrating it is to have the gym taken away as well.

I guess Hosea 2 really does mean He will block every path we have.

Speaking of blocking paths, Gap is a big no. I don't really care to go into much detail about why after two days of actually going in, I now have to quit, but let's just say adjusting to living at home is about a hundred times more difficult than I ever would have imagined.

On the bright side of things, I got some great work done on personal statements for grad school. I even discovered that a peer in my undergraduate (now that we live in separate states and I've realized just how much I missed out on by not getting to know her better) is applying to the same program I am. Perhaps we'll both end up at Seattle University. I wouldn't mind ANYTHING that that would entail.

Friday, October 2, 2009

The Male Feminist Movement

I was listening to the radio on my daily trip to Michael's craft store. Jamie Fox's "Blame it on the Alcohol" was on and it sounded like he was telling women to be independent and buy their own drinks, hook up with these men, and then go back to being independent.

Okay first off- I was wrong about the lyrics, but it still made me think.
Secondly, I hate this song. Just proof that everyone thinks they can sing and just about no one really can.

But the thing that really struck me is what the "feminist movement" has done to men. We pay for ourselves as women, we live by ourselves, we work hard and we take all responsibility off of men. And women wonder why they can never find good men... Just another way I'm convinced the new feminism movement is ruining america.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

The Biggest Loser

I secretly love watching The Biggest Loser. Especially now that life seems to be taking a more humbling path than normal. I've found that lately my life has been a point of contention rather than a celebration.

But I noticed something cool while watching the contestants work out with Jillian and Bob. Even though the trainers are screaming and cussing in their faces, if you listen to what they're actually telling them, it's pretty inspiring.

These people keep yelling "I can't do it, I can't do it." And too many times now I've seen Jillian get in their faces and yell "Yes. You can." They don't put up with these peoples excuses and rehearsed stories as to why they are the way they are. They are the reason they are what they are. Seems redundant, but to me it says that your life is because of your attitude. (I hate it when my mother's right.)

So here's to a less whiney Molly. Might as well enjoy my time without a job/school while I can!

Friday, September 18, 2009


What a tricky little bugger perseverance is.

I love our Lord because he has been so steadfast with me. Last night I dreamt about getting back with Trevor. (Please keep in mind that I don't think dreams really represent what we really think.) I woke up and immediately started praying. Within a few minutes, God had given me relief and I knew that this was just one more day on the journey towards becoming mature and complete.

I'm thankful that God has helped me see more of my path and it's days like today that I'm eternally grateful for that. Having a dream like I had would be even more difficult if I didn't feel I had goals to work towards. But I'm able to wake up and move on and work to glorify God.

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:2-5

In other news, my laptop is severely lacking in perseverance and is currently being consumed by a lovely virus. I've got two jobs up in the air and I'm hoping that one comes through because I walked into the Mac store yesterday. And it was good.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Figuring things out...

So, after (what seemed like) a long visit to Fort Collins to figure out some issues with my thesis/degree, I enjoyed a nice drive home listening to my favorite pastor- Mark Driscoll.

Earlier that day I had started reading a book called "If you want to walk on water, you've got to get out of the boat" which I thank Fletcher for suggesting it. Already into the first chapter I've realized that I live heavily out of fear. This wasn't a new realization, but what was new was WHY.

I love my parents deeply, but listening to Mark Driscoll talk about fear, I learned that I have been using my parents as an excuse. I've been using them to define me. I am constantly seeking their approval, I live in constant fear of their disapproval and that is in fact not loving them. "There is a big difference between a fool and a wise person is a fool fears man. A wise person fears God."

In my time at home, I've been trying to figure out what exactly it is that I want to be doing. It's hard to find a job you love when you don't know what that is. I'm happy to say that I think I'm at least on the right path. I love event planning, I love working IN education without actually being a teacher, and I love being in the University setting. So after some good thinking and trying to decide what uses the gifts God has given me and what I can do to glorify God, I'm going to pursue my master's in Student Affairs and Higher Ed. I know that if this is what God intends for me, he will make the rough paths smooth!

In the mean time I'm still pursuing jobs, still trying to get silly CSU to recognize that I've finished school, and still pursuing God. And I'm learning some awesome things in the process.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

My Day with Dunder Mifflin

So yesterday was my "all day interview" with The Marketing Group. Let's make two notes about this last sentence: 1. I put all day interview in quotes because it wasn't much of an interview; more like a hostage situation. 2. The Marketing Group uses the word marketing quite loosely.

I was met by Mr. David Wilson who told me to come with him. He then whisked me away in his falling-apart Saab and we were off to Denver to meet some managers about their paper supply. At this point it was 9:10am and already thoughts of Dunder Mifflin had entered my mind and wondered which quirky salesperson I was going to spend my day with. It turns out, even a day with Dwight K. Schrute would have been more interesting than Mr. David Wilson.

He quickly changed his mind and decided we would go to Colorado Springs first and instructs me to take out something to write on because he will be quizzing me through out the day. I slightly panicked only because I'd be stuck in a car with a strange man for a little over an hour and thoughts of being abandoned in Colorado Springs and being forced to walk back to Denver in order to lose weight so the entire office could get five additional vacation days had begun to enter my mind. (Yes, more Office references.)

After a day in Colorado Springs (not just the morning like David kept assuring me it would be) we came back to Denver in a very silent car. "Why," you ask? Well, during our afternoon, we had been, in David's words, "Introducing ourselves" to local office managers in large buildings. However one receptionist believed we were in fact soliciting (which he was) and David gave her a little back talk. She threatened to call security if we didn't leave. I believe I even saw her pick up the phone when she saw us go "introduce ourselves" to the office next to them.

So after a horrible day, I was then asked to fill out another stupid survey before my last stupid interview. (Seriously. I don't think these people understand what happens in real interviews.) This is where Josh was going to interview me. Let me paint you a picture of Josh- think of that guy in the fraternity who's overweight, outdrinks every body and is most likely to kick a puppy and high five everyone after he does it. He spends some time bragging about himself (which his list of accomplishments isn't even comparable to the list of things I had completed in the day prior... yay laundry) and then asks me what my weaknesses are. I gave him some good ones that I thought would deter him from actually hiring me and at the time thought they worked.

The frat king sent me on my way and I spent the entire walk to the car quietly cursing how I had spent my day. I came home to a delicious sunshine wheat and amazing dinner from my mom (what a blessed woman she is and the only highlight to a horribe day!) At seven o'clock I got a call offering me a position with them and tipsy/slightly drunk Molly said she needed time to think about it, realizing that would be a phone conversation for calm and collected (and sober) Molly.

This day helped me realize some good things about what I want to do so it wasn't a 100% loss, but this blog is already quite lengthy and we'll leave those revelations for another day.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Something worth doing

Everyday, I go to and try to find some job to devote my time to. I've even tried applying to a cosmetology school and Rocky Mountain College of Art and Design. After receiving a small scholarship before I was even accepted to RMCAD, I have to admit one nagging thought:

How does any of this glorify God and the gifts he has given me?

Yeah, I could go back to school and be a licensed Interior Designer, I could work in event planning, and I could be someone's assistant (actually, I can't- turns out I'm over and under qualified at the same time.) but how is me working for a Fortune 500 company going to help me live a life that is worthy of Jesus dying for it?

Other people I get- I am happy to say that I find more inspiration to praise God after listening to my friend, Fletcher's music or looking at his art, I see friends that are using the workplace to show God's profound impact on their lives, and I even have friends enduring slight misery with the program Teach for America.

So in case I didn't have enough standards for my future, I've added another one that MUST be met: It must be worth doing.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Wishful Thinking

It took a lot of research for me to believe that this Spain job was legit. And it took very little to convince me it was a scam. Which it was. "Please contact our lawyer to set up a visa- you can email him at"

What lawyer has a hotmail account as their work email?

A fake one- that's for sure. I finally found a discussion board that mentioned that if I replied to my fake contract from a fake hiring agent, I'd be asked to give them money, making it a huge fraud. Instead of turning them into the police, which would be pointless, or instead of sending a rather scathing email, I've decided all of my junk mail will now be going to Feel free to use that at any site that is going to send you junk. :) (I'm partially kidding...)

I was a little upset at first, but having scheduled a massage today, I decided it wasn't worth being upset over. I did ask God to close the door if it wasn't right- I guess I wasn't expecting him to slam it quite that hard, however.

After a wonderful afternoon in Fort Collins, I'm back to square one and I'm not 100% where to look for doors to open. I do know that God is spectacular at closing the wrong ones so here goes nothing...

Wednesday, August 26, 2009


I have a confession:
I'm afraid of pretty much everything.

I'm afraid to get close to people, I'm afraid of adventure, I'm afraid of doing things I'm not good at, I'm afraid of not succeeding. Until now, my fear has held me back and sometimes I've conquered it. But I can't tell you how many times I've had to learn about fear. There are 5 pages alone in this years journal about fear.

So I'm pretty much scared s**tless about going to Spain. Which seems stupid, right? "Hey Molly, you've got nothing going on in your life, so how about you go spend some time in Europe, traveling around and going everywhere you've ever wanted to go. We'll even put some other people in Europe so you can go visit them and make all of your fantasies about traveling come true?" I'm having one of those 'how stupid am I' moments right now in case you couldn't tell.

So what's my deal? I love my family and it's weird to think that I would go from spending every day with them to seeing them 1-2 times in the next year. I really like speaking English and I love knowing that I have Christian friends around. In a country that's 67% catholic- am I going to find any Christians that speak English? Well I just looked down at my Bible and I got my answer to all of my questions.

"For you have delivered me from death and my feet from stumbling, that I may walk before God in the light of life." Psalm 56:13

Monday, August 24, 2009

A Spain Update

So I received an email this morning I was "approved for candidacy" with the English school in Spain. Which was shocking considering last night I was told that it might not be the safest place in the world to go. But I did a little homework and here's your lesson on current events in Spain:

There's this terrorist group called the ETA. It stands for something I can't pronounce, but they are a group of people for the "freedom" of the Basque country are which is the northern region of spain including the province I would be teaching in- Gipuzkoa. It's heavily mediterarean and they speak Basque (also called Eusklid) rather than straight up Spanish. This group ETA started in 1968 and in the 70s and 80 killed just under 100 people a year in their violence and bombings. They are recognized by the EU, France, Spain and the U.S. as a terrorist group and are trying to cut them down to size. This group kills fewer and fewer people each year and since 2004 ish, they kill less than ten people a year and they typically don't bomb IN Basque country, except for this town called Bilbao.

Moral of the lesson today? I'm probably just as safe in San Sebastian in Gipuzkoa than I am in Denver, CO. and San Sebastian is a whopping 45-60 minutes from the French border where I could easily escape to if need be.

Here's hoping that this is a God-opened door and if it isn't, pray that God will shut this door and open another! However, visiting friends in South Korea and China and trotting all over Europe would be pretty B.A.!!!

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Don't pray for adventure if you're not ready for it...

...Actually- you could probably pray for whatever the heck you want to pray for- God knows better and will give you exactly what you need when you need it.

So, I've been applying to hundreds of jobs over the last month and a half. Administrative assistant, program coordinator, marketing jobs and teaching English abroad. The last job I only applied to not really thinking that it would happen, but out of hundreds of applications and cover letters and resumes- I have gotten ONE response... from a job in Spain.

Initially, I was really excited about it. Who wouldn't want to live in Spain? But after being told I will be contacted on Monday for an interview, it became a little bit more real. I haven't spoken much Spanish in 2-3 years, I know very little about Spain and it's culture, and oh yeah! I'VE NEVER BEEN OUT OF THE COUNTRY!!! Well, I've been to Canada, but let's be honest- that doesn't really count.

I prayed for adventure and I am confident that God knows what he's doing... but me on the other hand? Not so much...

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Joy: Lesson Number One

When our founding fathers wrote the declaration of independence and our constitution- I think they got one thing wrong. Yes, we should not be denied life and liberty, but I would argue a distinct difference between the pursuit of happiness and of joy. I would argue that happiness doesn't require much pursuit but joy is nothing but a constant journey.

During my Bible study in the spring, we spent a few minutes talking about the difference between joy and happiness. We concluded that being happy is a result of things that happen to you, whether you initiate them or not. Joy, however, is a piece of work. Joy is type of life you live when everyday is lived in the name of our Lord. Joy takes work.

I love my Bible- most probably have this, but it wasn't until this Bible that I discovered that there's a subject index in the back. I frequently go back there to find verses that relate to a specific word (usually how I come up with my "art"). I went back to this index one day to find verses for "Joy" and it was bizarre reading through the verses. None of them actually mentioned "joy" but all of them mentioned suffering. (Feel free to check them out: 1 Peter 4:12-19; Matthew 5:1-12; John 13:1-17; Galatians 5:16-26; Phillipians 4:4-9; Colossians 1:24; and James 1:2-18)

I think this backs up my theory that it takes significant work to have joy. It takes persevering through suffering to even begin to understand joy.

Romans 5:3-5- "Not only so but we rejoice in our suffering, because we know that suffering produces perseverence; perseverence, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us because God has poured our his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit whom he has given us."

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Resident Evil

It's nice to have a fresh blog to gain fresh perspective. It's one thing to paint on a canvas that you've painted over, but to have a new, perfect canvas seems to stimulate new ideas. With that, seeing the movie "Julie & Julia" today with my Pops, an idea creeped into my head.

God rocks (that's not my idea... just a transition into what I'm thinking) and it's great getting to worship him. But how often do we really focus on the other forces in our life?

It seems to me, in this constant (constant, not consistent, mind you) pursuit of JOY, that we are constantly under two forces: good and evil. While life isn't a Star Wars movie, some days I feel like there is an inherent resident evil simmering under the surface. This boiling mess within me is the voice that tells me I am not good enough, that I'm lazy, or that I'll never amount to much. Much like our decision to become a Christian in the first place, every day is a choice to realize the glory that will be revealed in us by God (Romans 8:18).

I think for us to make this decision, we have to understand two things.
1. We are weak and there is a constant battle over us. In 2 Corinthians 12:9 it says "But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." We are human and we are weak, and God has all the power. The weaker we are and the more sin in our lives, the more room there is for God to show His infinite power and grace.

2. God's promises are just that: promises. Romans 4:20-21 "Yet he did not waiver through unbelief regarding the promise of God but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised." And in Hebrews 6:13-20, it is explained that God has promised us things and God cannot lie. So what do we have to worry about? What keeps us from choosing God?

I guess that's another blog for another time...